It is nearly a daily occurrence in a child care setting: a child hurts another child and we don't know that most crucial piece of information - why?

It is one thing to say that children don't do anything without a reason. I say that all the time. It is a basic fact of human behavior that actions have reasons behind them. We don't do anything without having a reason behind it. Sometimes the reason makes sense or is a good reason. Other times that is not the case. So why is the mantra of "she did it for no reason" such a prevalent one in early childhood classrooms?

Why is it so Hard to Figure Out Why?

• Young children have a hard time explaining their actions. The word why is hard for young children to understand and they may not be able to give an answer to the question.

• When we are in a classroom with 18-20 kids, it can be hard for us to see what happened at the beginning of an altercation, and this can make it hard for us to know how to move the children through it productively.

These two issues together lead us to the conclusion that a child acted in a specific way for no reason, which can lead to frustration and a feeling of powerlessness for the teacher. After all, if a child is acting for no reason, how are we supposed to teach them a better way to act?

Changing Our Mindset

Remember the Hierarchy of Change? The easiest thing for us to change is ourselves, and the hardest things for us to change are other people. So in order to figure out how to handle these situations where it looks like a child did something for no reason, we have to look at our own mindset about children's actions first.

To start off, we have to recognize that no one does anything without a reason. Did you drive to the store? It was probably because you found out that you needed something from the store. Did you get angry with your boss? I'm sure your boss did something that caused you to get angry. Did you take a nap? You probably felt sleepy before that. Did you do that activity with the kids? Probably because your lesson plan told you to do that activity, or you needed something to keep them busy because otherwise they were going to keep themselves busy. The list goes on and on, and the point is that no matter what the action was, there was a reason behind it.

Let me say that again.

No matter what the action was, there was a reason behind it.

This means that the kid that is hitting, chasing, kicking, or biting another kid has a reason behind their actions. Yes, every single time.

Figuring Out Their Why

Our job is to figure out the "why" behind a child's actions. For older kids, this can be as simple as just asking them. Or is it? Kids younger than seven have a hard time with the concept of "why," so if we ask a young child why they did something, they are likely to simply say, "I don't know." It is hard for them to make that mental leap between what they did and their reason behind why they did it when they are asked about it using the word "why."

So what do we do instead? How do we find out the answers? We have to change the way we ask the question and make it easier for them to understand. There are several ways we can do this:

• "What happened?"

• "What (or who) made you angry?"

• "What did they do that made you angry?"

• "What happened next?"

• "What happened before you hit them?" (This one might be hard for them to understand, too)

• "What were you playing?"

• "How did it make you feel when they did that?"

Notice that the main question word we are using is not "why," but "what." Children find these types of questions much easier to answer, and you are more likely to be able to get to the root of the situation asking these types of questions.

When it comes to toddlers and twos, it is incredibly important to have a general overview of who has what and who they are near in the room at all times. This is why observation is so important in a classroom with younger children. They don't have the words to be able to tell you what is going on, so you really have to be aware of what is going on through watching and interacting with the kids. That way, if a child hits another child that took their toy, you have an idea of what happened because you are aware of who had the toy first.

Then there are the kids with social emotional delays, who may be socially and emotionally behind their peers developmentally. In some cases (but not all), these children watch the way their peers play and mimic certain actions. Sometimes they mimic interactions they have seen on TV. Either way, young children have few social-emotional skills to begin with, so they may see a lot of hitting or rough play and conclude that this is the way that we play with other kids. They may initiate an interaction with a peer by hitting them or being rough with them, smiling the whole time because to them this is the way we play. Because it seems like the behavior is coming out of left field, it can be easy to say that "she did it for no reason." In reality, she did it because she wanted to play, but she doesn't understand that this behavior is not the way we should initiate play with our peers.

As you can see, there are many ways to figure out a child's reasons for why they do what they do. So how do you plan on changing your own mindset about the behaviors in your classroom? How will you go about reframing questions in a way that children can answer them? What are some methods you can use to increase your observation skills in the classroom?