One of the most important things for us to understand as educators of young children is the reasons why young children have the large emotional responses that they have, and what all of the behaviors are that fit into this category. In this blog post, we will be looking at some of the behaviors that could be exhibited during a fight or flight response in young children. These behaviors, for the most part, are the challenging behaviors that we encounter in early childhood classrooms, and a better understanding of why they happen can help us come up with productive ways to teach children a better way to act.

 It is also important for us to remember that fight-or-flight is a response to a perceived threat, but at such a young age there are many things that children perceive as a threat. We need to keep.in mind that one of the reasons why two and three year olds exhibit so many challenging behaviors is that they are trying to do things independently and are enjoying a bit of freedom and control over their choices and actions. Sometimes their choices and actions go against what their adult caregiver or parent wants them to do, and this causes friction and a feeling that their ability to control their life is under attack. The body perceives this as a threat, and fight-or-flight results.

 Also remember that when a child enters fight or flight, they are not using the part of their brain that thinks logically and can problem-solve. They are using the part of their brain that is trying to survive a perceived threat, so trying to talk to a child that is in a fight or flight response will yield minimal results at best, or more aggressive behavior at worse.

Tantrums (Falling Out on the Floor, Kicking, Screaming)

When a child enters a tantrum, it can be hard to know what to do or how to handle it. Talking to a child in a tantrum yields no results because a child in a tantrum cannot hear or understand what you are saying. Once a child enters a tantrum, it is like they are in a completely different place or state of mind, so reaching them through words, gestures, or even touch can be impossible and could actually make the tantrum worse.

 The best thing to do during a tantrum is to just let it play out, although different experts have different opinions on this. Be nearby to make sure that the child doesn't hurt themselves, because sometimes tantrums can include self-harming behaviors such as banging their head on the floor or another piece of furniture. Sometimes it can feel like the tantrum is going on forever, but it will end at some point. Once the tantrum is over and the child is calmer, it is important that you also stay calm and talk to the child in non-judgmental tones and language. Do not talk about the tantrum itself or judge the child for the tantrum. Keep the conversation focused on what caused the tantrum in the first place, or on what you had asked the child to do before the tantrum happened: "Are you ready to __________ now?"

 And give them a hug! They just went through a huge, scary emotion and need to know that we still love them and care about them when it is over. Acting judgmental or punishing them for the tantrum will not help and may actually lead to another tantrum or a different challenging behavior. During other times of the day we can teach them what to do instead of a tantrum, when they are calm, but right after a tantrum happens we need to stay calm, cool, and collected and help the child move on to the next step of their day with love and support.

Hitting

Typically when children hit another child or a teacher, there is a reason behind it. They likely got angry at something that was said to them or because of something they were asked to do that goes against what they want to do in that moment. Children this age are exploring their ability to make independent choices, but don't necessarily have the words to use to talk about how their desired choices might be different from what they are being asked to do. If there is a difference between what they want to do and what they are asked to do, they might lash out in some way. This is one of the reasons why challenging behaviors rear their ugly heads during transition times more than any other time of the day.

 If a child hits you or another child because they don't want to do what you want then to do, do not take it personally! The child is trying to express how they feel about the situation they find themselves in, and they do not yet have the communication skills to talk about it. We have to guide them through the process of talking about what we asked them to do and why we are asking them to do it. If they know our reasons for asking them to do something they are more likely to do it.

 However, you should also let them know how you feel about their actions and that it is not okay to hit. "Hitting hurts. I know you are upset, but you may not hit me. You can tell me "I'm mad" instead." Giving them the words to use to express themselves can teach them the valuable communication skills that they need to resolve these types of situations in a productive way.

 If a child is hitting because something was taken from them, such as a child or teacher taking a toy away from them, we can use the same language as we used before to let them know that hitting is not okay: "Hitting hurts. I know you are upset, but you may not hit. You can say 'I'm mad' instead." Work with the child to talk about what happened that made them mad, or use information that you know from observing their play to help the children resolve the conflict.

Running Around the Classroom

Running around the classroom is definitely the "flight" part of fight or flight, and can be caused by the same feelings of loss of independence as the other behaviors we have discussed. One of the most frustrating aspects of a child running around the classroom is the way it always seems to turn into a game of "Catch Me if You Can," which increases the child's lack of reasoning due to their brain staying in fight or flight mode, and leads to frustration and anger on the part of the teacher. This manifestation of fight or flight might be one of the most frustrating because any active attempt to end the running seems to lead to a cycle of more fight or flight in the child, and more anger and frustration in the teacher. So what can we do in these situations?

 The best thing to do is actually nothing. Running around the classroom is similar to a tantrum in motion. The more attention we give to it, the more potential there is for it to become worse. Be there to make sure that the child isn't putting themselves or others in danger, and let them run it out. You could also try to entice them out of their running state by offering them an activity that you know they like - preferably a sensory activity that will help them calm down such as the sand table or playdough. Just ask them if they want to do the activity, make it available at a table, and then walk away from it. That way the child doesn't think that it is an attempt to "catch" him and can freely make the choice to go to the activity if they want to.

 Sometimes children get upset when they don't get the "Catch Me if You Can" game that they are expecting. They are looking for that attention to their behavior, and if they don't get it the behavior can escalate. This is another thing that makes this behavior so frustrating to deal with. It is almost like no matter what you do, there is the potential for the behavior to escalate into something else. Sometimes the child may start pulling toys off of shelves to get that attention. Sometimes they might start hitting classmates around them. The best thing to do in this situation is to take them outside or to an area where there are no other kids or items to destroy and let them run it out. Do not give attention to their actions unless they are hurting themselves or you. If they do something to you, let them know in a calm tone that it is not okay to do that, but don't react with anger. Any emotionally charged response that you give to them will increase their fight or flight response.

 Once the child has calmed down, then you can talk to them about what upset them and how they should deal with those feelings in the future.

Throwing Chairs or Toys

Throwing chairs or toys is a very dangerous behavior that can end up putting teachers and other students into their own fight or flight response. The key is to keep yourself calm. Any emotionally charged reaction from you, as the teacher, can feed the child's response and make it worse.

 Intervene immediately and remove the child from the area in which they are throwing items. I have moved children to an area where there are appropriate items for them to throw, such as stuffed animals. I've even created a throwing activity as a calm down choice where they can throw balled-up socks at a target. Alternatively, you can move them to a sensory activity that could help them calm down, such as a sand table or playdough.

 Stay with them as they calm down, and when they are calm talk to them about what happened as they play. What happened that made them upset? What could they do differently the next time that they become upset so that the class stays safe? Emphasize that throwing chairs and toys is not safe because it could hurt a classmate or even themselves. Go over the words that they can use to tell someone when they are upset and need support. Remember, do not try to have these conversations when.the child is upset. In order to have a productive conversation the child has to be calm.

Other Behaviors

There are other behaviors that stem from a fight or flight response as well. Sometimes biting can be a response, although not always. Pushing classmates, kicking things - behaviors that children exhibit when they are in an emotionally charged state. The key for any of these behaviors is to remain calm as you redirect the child to a calming activity, and then when they are calm talk to them about what upset them and how to handle it if they become upset in the future.

Remaining Calm in the Face of Fight or Flight

For all of these behaviors, the number one thing you can do to help a child get through it is to remain calm yourself. This is easier said than done, as these high intensity behaviors are very frustrating to deal with in the classroom, especially if the child is trying to hit or kick you. But if you try to deal with a fight or flight response with an emotional response of your own, it will only serve to increase the fight or flight response in the child. Make sure you are taking deep breaths to help keep yourself calm through the storm, and talk to the child in a calm manner. By doing this, you may help the child get through their emotional upset quicker, as your calm demeanor serves as a pillar of calm that they can feed from.