To School, or Not To School

It has been a long time since I have posted. I spent some time enjoying the last few posts that I did, following my own introspective mind through the process of debating keeping my business going, what my thought processes were and how I moved forward. Okay, the blog did not really chronicle how I moved forward. I seemed to have fallen off of the face of the earth. But here I am again, sharing what my brain has been mulling over for the past couple of years.

One thing that has happened, or hasn’t happened, is me getting my bearings back. I still haven’t located that passion, that drive that I had before that propelled me to read and look into everything that I could regarding education. I’m not entirely sure of the reason, other than I don’t really have a good outlet for this passion any more. I worked with a lot of stress for the past few years, and am still working in a stressful situation, although not the same one I was in before. I am trying really hard to not jump ship and land myself in yet another stressful work situation that I am not going to be happy in.

I think one of the reasons why I have been so unhappy is that my research has reached its logical conclusion, and it has been paired with life experience. That is the most dangerous pairing, because it means that there are tangible results to back up your hypothesis. And my underlying hypothesis this whole time has been that schools are not a healthy place for children. With all of the sitting in class, doing worksheets all day, with little experiential learning and not much connection to “real life,” school can drain the life out of some kids.

My own daughter went through k-5 and half of sixth grade in school. In first grade she was put in a remedial reading program because she was not reading at the school’s predetermined reading level. That was my first red flag for my daughter. She became very anxious about reading because she was not reading fluently enough for her teachers. But she loved to read, and her comprehension was off the charts. The next red flag came in third and fourth grade. She had switched schools and her grades started falling. I’m not sure what the differences were between the two schools, but third grade is when things start to get a little tougher because benchmark testing begins that year. Her third grade teacher and I had several conversations about her work, and her fourth grade teacher and I had to work out a behavior management plan for her because she was having a hard time focusing in class. I got the school system to do some testing and they determined that she had ADHD. I then got her tested by a psychologist and she determined that my daughter not only had ADHD, but Aspergers as well. The diagnosis wasn’t too much of a surprise to me; I had been going back and forth between the two as possible diagnoses for a while simply because of different things my daughter does, quirks that she has. But I didn’t think her diagnosis would come back as both.

Fifth grade was a nightmare as I tried to keep her off of medication. She could not keep up with homework and her attention and focus in class were non-existent, according to her teacher. In sixth grade I finally caved and started looking into medication options. I didn’t like any of the options because of the side effects. I didn’t feel good about putting my daughter on medication that could cause depression and anxiety, and my daughter complained because the medication I did put her on made her feel less happy than usual. On top of that, she was at a new charter school, and she began to develop anxiety habits like picking all of the wood off of her pencils and leaving a long piece of lead attached to an eraser. The teachers suggested mechanical pencils and stress balls, but with her lack of focus she would forget to bring these things to class half of the time. Her homework load became ridiculous and she began to have tantrums in the evening over homework that was taking her all afternoon and evening to complete. It was not a good situation, and I talked to her therapist about pulling her out of school. She had a therapist to help her with social skills, but even that situation was frustrating for me as a parent, because all I saw happening was the therapist pulling out a game to play, misunderstanding something that my daughter did or said, not listening to what my daughter had to say about what she did or said, and then my daughter having a tantrum because she was being misunderstood. Every week I watched this frustrating scene repeat itself over and over. But the therapist was a good support for me when it came to working through all of the considerations for pulling my daughter out of school.

I pulled my daughter out of school at the end of the second quarter of sixth grade. It was one of the most terrifying things I have ever done. Our society is so conditioned to believe that if your child is not in this system of schooling, then they will not be successful in life, that my hands were literally shaking as I walked down the steps out of the school after filing the disenrollment papers. The only thing that was going through my head was the terrifying thought that I was going to break my kid.

There is a process that I learned about before I pulled my daughter out of school called deschooling. When I first heard about it, I took it to mean the decompression phase that most children who are pulled out of public school go through before they really start to become curious about learning again. And there is a lot of truth to this process. My daughter is in the middle of this process right now, and I constantly have to remind myself that what she is doing during the day is okay. And it isn’t like she isn’t learning. More on that in a minute.

There is another meaning of the word deschooling, though. Through listening to a great podcast called Fare of the Free Child, I came to see that deschooling is a process that anyone can go through to unlearn some of the structures that schools teach us. One of those, for me, is the importance of how people dress. It always bothered me in school that I didn’t have the fashionable clothes that the other kids had because it was viewed as a status symbol. It bothered me as an adult that I didn’t want to dress in the types of fashionable, or nice, clothing that other adults did. It bothered friends of mine, too; one Christmas this group of friends pooled their resources and bought me an entire new wardrobe that was more to the style of the day. The fact that they did that bothered me then, and it bothers me even more as I am thinking back on it and blogging about it. Were they that embarrassed by how I dressed that they felt the need to do that? It was like they were trying to change me to suit their vision of what one of their friends should look like. It bothered me as a parent that my daughter didn’t want to dress the way the other kids did – not because I thought it was important for her to be “on trend,” but because I was worried that she would be viewed as an outcast because of her choices in clothing. Now I am learning to face my truth: it is okay for both my daughter and I to wear clothing that we feel comfortable in. We both are rather androgynous in our clothing choices, and sometimes we both choose to wear nicer, more feminine clothing. My older daughter is similar in her clothing choices. There is nothing wrong with that for any of us.

Another deschooling lesson for me came from my daughter very recently. I have been getting onto her about her language choices and how she chooses to talk. Not that she is using bad words or anything like that; she is actually the bad word police in our house. But she doesn’t use what I term “proper language” sometimes, and it grates on my nerves because our society views people that use language that is not “proper” as uneducated or unintelligent, and I do not want anyone viewing my daughter that way. But my daughter made the point that people talk in different ways because of the way that they are brought up or because of where they live, and it is not my business or anyone else’s business how they were brought up or where they lived that led them to talk that way, and it is definitely not my place to judge them for that. What a profound statement from my daughter that put my judgment of her language choices on notice! I did have to explain to her that, while that is very true and I appreciated her bringing that truth to my attention, there is that structure in place in our society, and while it is not okay for me to be judgmental about how she chooses to talk she should be aware of that structure even if she does not choose to adhere to it.

Even though I am still terrified daily by my choice to pull my daughter out of school, I see evidences of her learning all the time. We don’t go see the therapist any more, but my daughter told me the other day that she found a YouTube channel that talks about ADHD, Autism, and social skills, and that she is learning how to better relate to other people. And she did that on her own, without any suggestion from a therapist or a teacher, or even from me. During this deschooling time she has been playing Minecraft and Roblox incessantly, which is another scary thing for me (video games all day?), but I know that she is learning something from them or she wouldn’t be playing them all the time like she does. I have always believed that children do not involve themselves in something that isn’t just challenging enough, and that they aren’t learning something from, even if the challenge and learning aren’t readily apparent to us at the time. She is no longer on medication and I can tell that she is happier, less stressed, and less anxious than she was. And my conversations with her consistently show me that she is learning, even if it isn’t the prescribed academic learning that our society deems is so important.

So the question is, to school or not to school? I know that the answer is going to be different for different people, but I think you know by now what my answer is.

What We Do With Free Time

In the roughly one-third of the day that is free of obligations, in their precious ‘leisure’ time, most people in fact seem to use their minds as little as possible. The largest part of free time – almost half of it for American adults – is spent in front of the television set. The plots and characters of the popular shows are so repetitive that although watching TV required the processing of visual images, very little else in the way of memory, thinking, or volition is required. Not surprisingly, people report some of the lowest levels of concentration, use of skills, clarity of thought, and feelings of potency when watching television…the information we allow into consciousness becomes extremely important; it is, in fact, what determines the content and quality of life.

-Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Flow: The Psychologybof Optimal Experience

Being Successful – Write It Down!

Today I have been brought up short when it comes to planning my workshops for Project: Preschool. I have many wonderful ideas that I would love to implement, but so far I haven’t felt that any of them have had a cohesive enough message to pass them on to others. But through the course of the day I was reminded of the most important rule for success:


This goes for anything! Any kind of goal you have, write it down. And then make a web or a list consisting of the steps you need to take in order to reach your goal.

Writing down the outline for my first workshop has helped me turn a workshop that I have always felt good about (but not good enough to present) into a workshop that I can’t wait to present. I plan on making a business plan this way, too, so that I can physically see the steps that I need to take in order to make Project: Preschool successful. The power of writing down and brainstorming goals is amazing, and I highly encourage anyone to try it for a goal they want to achieve.

Getting the Creative Mind to Work

I ran into this article today, and it really spoke to me. It talks about doing what you do, day in and day out, whether you are in the mood or not.

One of the best lines in the article, to me, is “The notion that I do my work here, now, like this, even when I do not feel like it, is very important. Because lots and lots of people are creative when they feel like it, but you are only going to become a professional if you do it when you don’t feel like it. And that emotional waiver is why this is your work and not your hobby.” This quote was by Seth Godin, and is apparently in the book that they are talking about in the article.

I may have to check that book out. I will let you know how it is after I read it. For now, I guess I have to get to work!

George Carlin on the Creative Process


Is this anything like the creative process that you go through? I know it is for me. I get so wound up in my own creativity and wanting to accomplish something that I burn myself out and go for months at a time without accomplishing anything. Maybe I can learn something from this guy!

I would like to add that I do not take any credit for, nor do I own, this video.

The Spark

As I sat writing my last post my mind began to go back to all of the wonderful things that I have started throughout the years on this blog: the “Look at a Book” review idea that generated only one review; the posts about applying Conscious Discipline in the classroom; a scattering of surface-level diving into different topics of interest to me; and a smattering of posts dealing with psychology and philosophy as it relates to early childhood education.

Don’t get me wrong; I am thoroughly proud of what I have accomplished. But I can’t stop thinking big. Somewhere at some time after I wrote my last post, a spark ignited in my brain and the creative juices began to flow. My brain began coalescing all of these independent accomplishments into one big picture because I am passionate about all of these pieces, and somehow I new that the pieces fit.

Have you ever experienced the spark? It seems to light up your whole being as you begin to think about “what could be” and what is needed to turn “what could be” into “what is”. Anything seems possible and dots seem to connect themselves.

Have you ever seen a child get the spark? As a teacher, you talk to them about something you are learning about and they make some connection and they are off! As a teacher, I love those moments and I try to milk as much learning and expression out of them as I can. Those sparks are where true learning and creativity happen, and rolling with those sparks makes the time spent learning that much more enjoyable for everyone.

Imagine your life if you could not follow those sparks. There are plenty of teachers out there who, for one reason or another, can’t follow the sparks that ignite the children’s creativity. The pressure to pass standardized tests makes it hard for teachers to have time to pursue meaningful, internally motivated learning opportunities.

Due to the emergence of my own creative spark, Project: Preschool and Uplifting Freedom with be celebrating creativity for the month of June. We will be exploring what creativity is and how we as teachers can cultivate and encourage a spirit of creativity in the classroom. We will explore the role of curiosity in creativity and take a look at some prominent thinkers and pervading attitudes concerning creativity. I am truly excited about this journey, and I hope that you will join us.


“I hate incompetence. I think it’s probably the only thing I do hate. But it didn’t make me want to rule people. Nor to teach them anything. It made me want to do my own work in my own way and let myself be torn to pieces if necessary.”

– Howard Roark; The Fountainhead; Ayn Rand

I love my job. I couldn’t imagine not doing what I do for a living. I want to expand on my knowledge and continue to try to excel at what I do. Eventually, I want to be an educational psychologist. I have wanted to study psychology since I was fourteen years old. I have since found that my passion lies in how people think and how they learn. I am fascinated by the subject; I am so truly passionate about it that the idea that others in my field are not is unthinkable to me. But while it is unthinkable, it is an unfortunate reality that I deal with all of the time.

When one of my coworkers encouraged me to begin teaching others the knowledge that I have, at first I was hesitant. I know the reality that is out there: that there aren’t very many early childhood teachers out there that are as passionate as I am about my work. The last thing that I wanted was to open myself up to ridicule or other disrespect toward my chosen field. But I also found the idea of teaching others intriguing; I felt that if I could teach them what I know, then maybe they would become as passionate about it as I am.

It didn’t take long for me to figure out how it really works. Since a certain number of training hours are required per year for all early childhood educators, people came regardless of whether or not they actually wanted to be there. Most were participatory and respectful. At the last training I did, however, it was different. I saw what I had feared: blatant disrespect and mockery of what I love so much. It put me in a position of defense, when I find that I don’t have to defend myself in my work on a normal basis. It cheapened everything, and I knew that I had made a mistake.

It has taken me one long month to figure out what my mistake was. I knew the reality of the situation: that there are very few early childhood educators out there that are as passionate about what they do as I am. And yet, I thought that I could change that reality by offering my passion on a platter for anyone to partake of. I forgot that, in the process of learning anything, the passion must come first. People, just like children, must be intrinsically motivated to learn the subject that you are trying to teach them. When they are being forced to attend trainings simply to keep their job, there is no motivation to actually learn anything. And this is the part of the equation that I forgot about.

I offered my passion as a sacrifice to those who would take advantage of it, and they did. The effect has been devastating on my professional morale, as I have struggled to regain some sense of that passion. I know it is there; I didn’t sacrifice it all. But I realize that I lost some of my personal integrity through the process, and I now have to work hard to regain it. Realizing that you cast your precious pearls to those who do not appreciate their worth is a hard realization, because you have to admit to yourself that you sacrificed the most important thing to you to those who did not deserve it. But being able to admit that to yourself is the first step, and ensuring that it never happens again will help to strengthen and regain that sense of integrity that was lost.

I, for one, will ensure that it will never happen again. I have a path that I want to take and a dream that I want to realize. I will do everything that I can to make sure that I reach that dream, and I will not let the swine around me deter me from that dream ever again.